


My Babysitters a Mercenary?

by LoserLorrie



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bodyguard/Wade Wilson, Bottom Peter Parker/Top Wade Wilson, Deadpool - Freeform, Gen, M/M, Multiple chapters, No Underage Sex, No boxes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker - Freeform, Protective Parents, Protective Wade Wilson, Sassy Peter Parker, Seve Rogers - Freeform, Spider-Man - Freeform, Spideypool - Freeform, Stony - Freeform, Technically theyre gonna kiss while Peters 17, The avengers are kind of friends with deadpool, Wade Wilson - Freeform, eventually, tony stark - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-06 15:41:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15197984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoserLorrie/pseuds/LoserLorrie
Summary: Peter Parker did NOT need a babysitter. Just because he got hurt during one little fight against a giant alien monster does not mean he needs to be under 24 hour surveillance by some bald, and frankly inappropriate, "Bodyguard". He cant even catch a break during patrols because some self proclaimed vigilante in a copycat costume has been following him around on his nighttime patrols and protecting him from every criminal they come across.





	1. Free Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is un-beta'd so let me know in the comments if there are any mistakes I missed! I don't really know how betas work but I could probably really use one so see the notes at the bottom of the chapter!

Tony Stark loves two things in this world; His husband Steve and his adoptive son Peter. His 6 foot tall, jacked up, Super-Soldier husband can defend himself but his 5’8” seventeen year old son? Not so much.

 

Peter never goes looking for trouble. He didn’t get bit by a radioactive spider on purpose and he wasn’t currently sprinting down 2nd avenue because he needed the cardio. No, he was running away from a tentacle monster hell bent on swallowing him whole while trying to figure out a way trap it before the thing covers all of Queens in its gross alien slime.  


“Hey, uh Karen? Can you call my dad?” He shouts, shooting webs as fast as he could to slow the creature down.  


“Of course, Mr.Parker. Calling Iron Dad.”  
Peter skids to a stop and sets off a series of web grenades in the monsters face when he hears his father's voice.  


“Peter?” Tony calls over his headset, “Im a little busy! There's some kind of creature terrorizing Queens and I’m on my way to stop it, can this wait?”  


“Well, that's kinda the problem. I'm having some trouble keeping it at bay, how far arghhhh-” Peters cut off as the creature snatches him up around the waist with one of its slimy tentacles. He tries to wiggle free, pressing his hands against the slippery appendage but its grip tightens the more he fights it. “Okay! Dad the situation has progressed to a code red! Maybe try and get here a little quicker! No worries though!”  


The creature raises the tentacle entrapping peter up to its hideous, one eyed face and snarls. Peter nearly throws up in his suit, if he had known monsters could smell this bad he would have asked his dad to put a scent filter in the lining of the mask. Maybe next time.  


“Peter!” He hears his father's voice, much closer this time. Peter turns his head in the direction it came from and sees his dad flying towards him, blasters at the ready, and The Hulk storming at the monster. He almost whoops with excitement when suddenly the tightness around his waist lessens and he's free falling. Hulk was smashing at the creatures head, causing it to loosen its grip on Peter. The last thing he sees before blacking out is a flash of red and gold flying towards him, just out of reach.

 

Peter groans as his eyes flutter open to the bright lights of what he assumes is the Avengers tower medi-center. His whole body feels like one big broken bone and the only thing he can do is slip right back into unconsciousness. He's barely aware of someone talking right next to him.  


“Peter, honey, you're gonna be alright…” Steve whispers, squeezing his sons cold hand.

 

“Our SON almost died Tony!” Steve shouts, pacing a hole in the floor of his husbands office, “He is no longer allowed on missions like that, I won't risk losing him.”  


“I know that, I was there!” Tony replies bitterly, the sound of his sons body hitting the concrete playing over in his head. “Fine, he's not allowed on missions anymore but we cant keep him from patrolling and you know that, If we try to stop him he's just gonna go behind our back and possibly get himself more hurt. What do you want me to do?”  


“Someone should at least be watching him, he's still a child Tony, He's not an avenger yet.”  


“What, you want me to hire a bodyguard to watch Peter 24/7? How do you think he's going to like that?” Tony rebuttals.  


“He’ll prefer it over being dead!” Steve snaps, finally sitting down in the seat across from Tony, “We need to find someone who can act as a bodyguard for Peter and Spider-Man. At least until he's 18 and he can start training with us.”  


“You're right,” Tony concedes, he thinks for a moment before sighing, “and I think I know just the guy for the job.”

 

“Mr. Stark, Mr. Rogers, your guest is here. Shall I send him up?” Fridays voice chimes above their heads.  


“Thanks Friday, send him up.” Tony says, glancing at Steve, “Are you sure about this?”  


“If he's going to protect Peter, I'm sure.” He states, turning towards the elevator.  


“For the right price.” Tony mumbles, he grabs a hold of his husbands hand just as the elevator doors open.  


“Tony and Steve… right before my very eyes.” The man gushes, “When I heard you were looking for me I rushed right over, we wouldn’t keep our two favorite avengers waiting!”  


“Cut the shit, Wade.” Steve demands, “And take off that mask, no one cares about your fucked up face anymore.”  


“Ouch! Stars and Stripes, you wound me!” Wade says as he pulls his red and black mask off, revealing his pale, mottled skin, “Happy?”  


“Not even close. Sit.” Tony grunts, gesturing to the seats across from his television. He flicks the channel to a local news station that’s replaying the clips of Spider-man slipping from the tentacle monsters grasp.  


“This is our son, Peter.” Steve croaks, the words getting caught in his throat as he watches Peter slam into the pavement.  


“Ah. I’m sorry for your loss.” Wade mutters, finally understanding the severity of this meeting.  


“He's not dead, jackass.” Tony sneers, “He's upstairs in the medi-center resting. His accelerated healing kept him from bleeding out internally and the doctor set his broken bones so he should be all healed in a day or two. We called you because we need you to keep this from happening again.”  


“What, you want me to fight every giant tentacle monster in the city?” Wade scoffs.  


“No, we need someone to keep Peter away from trouble. To protect him when we cant,” Steve explains, “We need you to be Peters bodyguard by day, but we need Deadpool to follow Spider-man around and keep him out of harm's way during his nighttime patrols.”  


“What are friends for?” Wade exclaims, standing up from him seat, “Its gonna cost you bucket loads, obviously, because I am the very best at my job, but you already knew that. When do you want me to start?”  


“Tomorrow.” Tony announces, “Come into my office around 8am tomorrow and we'll draw up a contract. Dress nice and bring the suit.”  


“Oh, Ill dress my very best for your precious baby boy.” Wade teases, the two men watch as Wade saunters into the elevator, slipping his mask over his bald head, “See you tomorrow, honey bunches.” They sit in silence for a moment watching the doors close before Steve speaks up.  


“Should we trust him?”  


“No,” Tony says, squeezing Steve's hand. “But we have to. For Peter.”


	2. Meet the Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter meets his new bodyguard and he isn't at all what Peter expected. Their day doesn't go as expected either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its only been like 8 days since my last post so thats good right? Should I post more often? Idk Anyways thanks for the 12 bookmarks ;)

“You hired me a WHAT-NOW?” Pater shouted, his still healing ribs protested as he tried to sit up in bed. He was still sitting in the infirmary with his fathers who had brought him dinner and news. 

“Peter, please call down. This is in your best interest.” Tony said calmly, taking a bite of his Thai noodles. “We cannot keep worrying about you 24/7. Your father is 100 years old, the stress would kill him.” Steve slapped his husbands arm at the comment.

“This isn't a joke. Your father and I agree, a bodyguard is the only way to ensure your safety when were not around, since you refuse to keep yourself out of danger.” Steve sat back in his seat, setting his empty food carton on the table next to him. “We don’t want to risk what happened yesterday happening again.” Peter sat there dumbfounded for a moment. He didn't need a bodyguard, he was a superhero for fucks sake. Yesterday was a fluke, a slip up. He wasn't paying attention at one moment and it almost cost him everything but it was an accident. He didn't need a bodyguard.

“I don't need a bodyguard.” He voiced his thoughts, “I made a simple mistake, don't act like you two haven't almost died before. Actually, I'm pretty sure you HAVE died before, dad.” Peter shot an accusatory glare at Steve.

“The difference between us is about a 15 year age gap. I'm an adult and you're still a kid so I don't care what you think you need. It's not your decision.” Steve responded, standing up to leave. “The doctor said you should be up and walking tomorrow so he will be here to watch you. Your father and I have business to attend to in the morning. Goodnight, I love you.”

Tony set the food containers in the trash and kissed Peters forehead. He whispered a soft “Goodnight.” before following Steve out the door. Peter clenched his fists and decided that he was going to make it his mission to get his new babysitter fired as soon as possible.

 

Peter woke up with a groan. He remembered what a sour mood he had been in the night before and it had followed him into the morning. The bright white lights in the medi-center blinding him as he cracked his eyes open before sitting up. He rubbed his eyes and almost shrieked when he noticed the man sitting in a chair by the door, reading a magazine.

“Who the fuck are you?” He pulled the blanket up to his chest, sleeping shirtless was probably not his best late-night idea.

“I’m your fucking bodyguard, baby Stark. No need to get modest now, I've been watching you all morning.” The man teased, setting the magazine in his lap. Peter gasped, loudly and impolitely, at the mans face. It was well structured and bright eyed but the man's skin was horribly scarred, dips in his skin were carved out ever half inch or so and he was in need of a tan. His bodyguard chuckled and rubbed his hand over his bald head, “Get used to it kid, I'm gonna be stuck to you like glue until your eighteenth birthday.” Peter sobered up quick, it was easy to ignore the man's skin when his eyes shone the way they currently were.

“Im Peter. Not baby stark.” He said bitterly, pulling on the shirt he had left on the nightstand the night before.

“Okay, Petey. I'm Wade Wilson, your awesome new bodyguard and potential best friend forever, If you play your cards right.” Wade stood up and walked around to help Peter as he struggled to get out of bed, continuing to talk, “We could make friendship bracelets if that's what the kids are doing these days. Hey- Hey! Where are you in a hurry to get to.” Peter slid his slippers on and turned towards his bodyguard.

“Its Peter. Not Petey. Peter.” He huffed, “And you're nothing but an overpaid babysitter, dont try and protect me, I can save myself.” He reached for the door, pulling it open a few inches before a calloused hand grabbed his wrist, tightly. 

“Oh, I am totally being overpaid but your rich daddies can afford me. I, however, cannot afford letting you out of my sight. So wherever you go I go.” Wade said in the most casual way possible. His grip was almost inhumanely tight but Peter could have easily escaped if he wanted to. Instead he grabbed the door handle with his other hand and pulled himself and wade through it, super strength does come in handy sometimes. 

“I need to go to my room, is that okay with you?” Peter sneered, pulling them down the long stretch of hallway that led to his personal elevator.

“Perfectly fine with me, baby boy. See, isn't it better when we work together?” Wade exclaimed as he released his hold on Peters wrist. Peter sighed.

“Its Peter.” He pressed his thumb against the elevator button and waited a moment while it read his print. 

“I'm never going to call you that so get used to it.” Wade stated, pushing Peter lightly into the elevator ahead of him. Peter stumbled in and sighed, he met this guy not 15 minutes ago and he was already getting on Peters last nerve. They stayed silent for the ride up to his room but apparently those 45 seconds were Wades limit. When the doors opened up to Peters suite he started up again.

“So, what do you want to do today? I heard from a little birdy that you were all healed and ready to rumble so let's hit the streets. Lets rock and roll. Lets paint this city red. Lets-” 

“Oh my god, Can I get dressed first?” Peter interrupted, if the man was like this all the time he was going to take some getting used to.

“Don't let me stop you, Baby boy.” Wade smirked, and sat down on Peters bed. Peter turned his back to him and pulled his shirt off and threw it in the general direction of his hamper. “Air ball!” Wade called out behind him. Peter turned around a glared daggers at him.

“Stop watching, creep.” Peter snapped. Wade looked at him for a moment before turning around mumbling something under his breath that Peter couldn’t make it out through the T-shirt being pulled over his head. He pulled a pair of pants on over his boxers and slipped his shoes on. He quickly brushed his teeth and pulled the knots out of his hair with his fingers. “Ok, I'm dressed.” Wade groaned. 

“Finally, being cooped up in this tower has me on edge. How are you supposed to make a quick get away if you have to pass through six security systems on the way out?” Peter pressed the elevator button and shuffled in. Wade strolled in behind him and pressed the button for the Lobby floor. 

“Well, one good thing about being the son of the owner of this place is that you get to bypass all the security,“ Peter grinned, before asking the important question, “Why would you need to make a quick get away, anyways?” It was Wade's turn to grin at that but before he could answer the elevator doors dinged open revealing something of a scene before them.

Three men with guns (Big fuckass guns) were standing at the entrance of the lobby, the two doorman were lying (hopefully) unconscious on the ground. The fourth man was waving his gun in Sharon, the receptionists, face and demanding she open the elevator doors. Before Peter could even move to shut the doors the men by the door noticed them.

“Hey, Boss. The doors are open.” One of the men croaked, sounding like he smoked a pack before breakfast each day. The ‘Boss’ turned to look at Peter and Wade and laughed.

“Thanks for the help, boys.” He smacked Sharon across the temple with the butt of his gun, knocking her out, and started towards them, his goonies trailing close behind. Peter stood stock still, he didn't want to reveal his identity to Wade so soon but he also didn't want to get pistol whipped by the man closing in on them. Luckily, there was an unknown, third solution.  


Everything happened so fast if Peter didn't have his powers he wouldn't have registered it. As soon as the guy gotten within reaching distance of the two of them Wade sighed and reached his hand up under his jacket.

“Guys its my first day!” He growled before pulling out a large hand gun. He fired off four shots, each one hitting their target. The three men dropped to the ground, a bullet hole in the center of each of the heads. The ‘Boss’ had been spared, blood gushed from the bullet hole in his leg, his gun had slid across the tile as he fell. Peter screamed, and backed up against the wall of the elevator.

“What the fuck!?” He shouted at Wade who only raised his hand in response. He walked over to the man bleeding on the floor and flipped him over, pulling a pair of handcuffs (did he have those this entire time?) out of his pocket. He locked the man's hands behind his back and reached back into his pocket for his phone. He dialed and waited silently as it rang. 

“Tony! Hey, man! I'm with your kid in the lobby and you'll never guess who showed up?” Wade paused for a moment as Tony grumbled out a response that Peter couldn't hear. He stepped out of the elevator and walked around the man on the floor. “Probably your run of the mill criminals, you should probably come down here and clean whats left of them up. Yeah he's fine, Me and Petey are going out! Love you lots, well be back for dinner.” Wade slid his phone and gun back in his pocket and turned to Peter. “Where do you wanna go first, baby boy?” Peter thought for a moment and his stomach rumbled. 

“Breakfast. Anywhere quiet so you can tell me what the fuck just happened.” Wade grimaced and held the door open for Peter. 

“After you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its 3AM so I'll edit this tomorrow but I'm posting it now cuz I want to. Hope you enjoy it :)

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is precious-potter, hmu if u have any ideas for this fic or if u wanna beta for me or if u just want to follow me! Again, idk how it works but I'm sure Ill figure it out lol. This is gonna be a multi-chapter fic so bear with me.


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